I think its a good time to reflect on the year. This is a rather serious post, so yeah, if ur looking for a laugh, this may not be it.

Last year, I ended the year really cockily, i admit. I hung back, lay in my bed, and spoke those fateful words when asked about my New Year's resolution, "What else can I want? Everything's perfect."

Looking back on the old me, I laugh. I had no idea what deep shit I was going to slip into.

Last year, I ended off with quite good standing in my class, grades that made me grin, and those things were the only things that mattered to me. True, I had scoliosis and I needed to wear the shitty brace, but everything else to me was okay.

This year was a really bumpy ride. You guys are probably tired of me saying this, but it was a whirlwind of worries and emotions. My mindset evolved too many times over the year for me to actually count.

I'm just going to quote something that me and jf agreed upon like mad. "Sec 3 is the year where you change. Everything changes." was something along those lines.

Looking back on this year, I can easily say that it felt like the longest year in all of my 15 years.

A huge change this year was me being "emo". Heck, it just appeared at the beginning of the year, rendering me helpless as I never had to deal with my emotions before. The darkest part of the year was easily January to June, the first half of the year. During this period, my grades were complete crap compared to last year's, the people that I used to hang with last year felt miles away, and I couldn't help but fail to realize the importance of my existence. An inferiority complex started manifesting itself during this period, and even as I am typing this, it clings tightly to me.

This was the year I actually wanted something bad. The CCA position. Heck, to me I felt I was doing almost everything I could, but apparently I had to accept the fact that my squadmates didn't notice me actually putting in extra effort.

So, the fateful day came, and I missed the thing, while the most likely candidate and one of my closest friends in NPCC fought for the position. To be honest, at the point (totally no offence to Ye Oon), I felt like my heart was being ripped out, because not only did I miss the position, my good friend was really close to getting it. Nevertheless, I truly was sincere in wanting you to get it. I can assure you that.

Next few days were rough. All I remember was the night after that day, and all I did was sit at my table and cry. I cried because I didn't know what I was supposed to do now.

And I remembered something. My "fail-safe". Back then, me, Suf and Kieng Wee's plan was to get into EXCO. So, all I could do was hope I got into EXCO.

The day came. I missed EXCO. Distraught, I needed serious closure. I asked a few of my seniors for the truth. Whether I even had a chance of being ACCAL in the first place.

One told me the truth, which I am glad to hear. I never had a chance in the first place. ACCAL had been for Dhiv and Ye Oon since the beginning.

Secondly, was that I was originally going to be the head of a committee. But KSP pulled me down. Why? Because apparently, I was more suited for personal interaction with juniors, so I was put in charge of the Sec 2 squad, who is supposed to be a damned imba squad.

Slowly, my attitude became the one I have now. Which was to mind my own business.

So, here concludes the CCA segment.

For studies, I just kept slipping. Managed to buckle up and salvage it in the second half though. Man, that was a term to remember.

And I had to deal with something important this year. Friendship or results? When faced with a decision to stick with a friend and fufill my promise against leaving him for the sake of my results, I'm glad I chose the former.

I was also sort of "betrayed". Heck, I'm not going to talk about it, but if the person feels that he has chosen the correct path, then good for him.

I don't want to talk bout this too long, so Il end the studies segment.

Finally, the last major thing was friends.

Basically, Il just conclude it shortly. Nothing is absolute. No one owes you anything.

"Alchemists seek the truth, not what they view through rose tinted glasses." Edward Elric.

I finally understand.