To desire:

I'm sorry i held you back. Many a time had I caused you to forgo opportunities, left you in the lurch, betrayed your trust. I ran away, the raw fear pulsating within my veins, the terror that is characteristic of me. Predictable.

Dreaming big is no problem, but taking the actions to achieve them is. So many goals left untouched, some have never seen the light of day, others shelved and forgotten, until a thick layer of dust settles on them; thus removing them. Sometimes permanently.

I am afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of loss.

But i'm learning. As the days go by, my mask cracks slowly, revealing that pale blueish that you have come to associate as my hide. I know its a little too late. But I'm getting there, slowly but surely.

I don't know if you can forgive me. You may very well promise me, but behind my back, cynically question me. You're not to blame. I am.

Forgive me.

Sincerely,
Inhibition.

..........................................................................

I need to make more sacrifices. I wanted to participate more in extra curricular activities, but I'm still in the process of ponying up the price.

Thank god they didn't have the SSGT retest today. With me being so damned tired from yesterday's running and sleeping late, I certainly wouldn't make the 11 minute mark.

Hell, I don't think I can make under 11.00 for the full 5 marks of that segment. 5 Pullups for 5 points should be okay though.

The closest I've ever gotten was 11.30. There's always a first i guess.

Its a very real reality that i may fail the SSGT test. I was at one of my worst forms during the test, especially during the Drill segment, where i lagged and did many commands wrongly. Oh well.

Another thing hanging around at the back of my mind is the Writer's Program. No idea whether I should join or not. Its not THAT intensive i think, but nevertheless, its still another commitment.

No mood for jokes today.